When I was diagnosed...I for some reason changed my point of view to "I'm happy being single" to "I'm going to be single forever because no one is going to love the cancer girl."
When I was first diagnosed I remember asking if there was a dating website for cancer patients...my sister laughed at me and said "I'm not sure, but why does it really matter?" (I was kind of joking when I asked it--but was curious! They have dating websites for everything else)
As the weeks went on with cancer treatment, I was getting more and more concerned that I was never going to date again or dying alone. Around Valentine's Day I was back in the hospital with a chemo fever and I was at the point in my treatment when my hair could potentially fall out. While brushing my hair I watched like five pieces of hair fall out of my head....and I started crying. My sisters felt so bad and couldn't understand why I was crying even a nurse came in to see what was wrong. I finally blurted out "MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT" and I held up the 5 pieces of hair that had come out when I combed my hair. My sisters and the nurse kind of stared at each other like.."ooook?" As I continued to cry, they still didn't understand why I was upset. I then shouted
"NO ONE IS GOING TO LOVE THE FAT,BALD AND UGLY CANCER GIRL!"
They just started laughing. Firstly, I was far from fat. I weighed about 150 pounds and my cheeks were just puffy from steroids. Secondly, when you lose your hair from chemo and cancer it normally will come out in clumps. My hair was just coming out from natural shedding. (My hair did thin from my original chemo, but it didn't fall out). Lastly, I was being ridiculous. Of all the things that I could possibly be worried about--this probably shouldn't be one of them.
As months went by I started to feel more like myself, I went off chemotherapy and was put on my second treatment which was a pill, and I was off oxygen. People didn't look at me and think to themselves "what is wrong with that girl?" I had been spending time with a male friend of mine, but I wasn't sure if I had feelings for him or not...I was kind of unsure and didn't want to put anyone through what I was going through...
When reading about dating with cancer online (yes--I did my research) they say not to tell the person that you have cancer right away. I get that...The information can be slightly overwhelming for others to hear. You may want to be friends with the cancer patient, but why would you want to date them??
Well the problem with not telling the person about my cancer is if they searched ANYTHING about me online (my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...hell even googling my name) they would know within .05 seconds that I had stage IV cancer. Yet again my thoughts of "Why would someone want to date someone that is just going to die?" continued to come into my head.
Near the end of July in 2017, my best friend from high school's husband had sent me a text about a guy he wanted to set me up with. I was unsure about the situation in general because I hate set ups and he had been trying to set me up with this same guy even before I had cancer. When he first sent me a picture of the guy a year before my response was "eh--he's really not my type and I'm not in the place where I want to date. I need to get to know myself". (Remember--I was loving the single life 😉). Throughout the year he brought the guy up a few times and each time I denied the set up...I didn't want to get set up, I didn't want to date, and I had been diagnosed with cancer a few months before...I didn't need anything extra on my plate, that included a boyfriend.
Anyway--during the month of July I was feeling a bit more adventurous with my life, but I was also annoyed that he continued to bring this guy up even though I politely avoided the situation before. I decided to tell my best friend's husband to give this guy my number. I figured I could really easily scare this guy off. I was really good at being intimidating and awkward...plus I had "the cancer" so that was scary enough.
A few hours past that day and I received a text.
"Hey, this is Robert"
Who the f*** is Robert?!? I didn't respond for a few minutes because I couldn't think of why someone named "Robert" was texting me. Eventually it was made clear that he was the guy I was being set up with.
I tried to be short with him to "scare him off," but in the end he was super patient, funny, he knew the difference between to, two and too....plus he was really cute. So after a few weeks, when he asked me out on a date. I gave him a chance.
He gave me two options on where to go on a date. We decided on dinner and then a comedy club. I can honestly say--it was the best first date I have ever been on. We talked, we laughed, we had fun, and I really felt like I could get to know him.
The second date, we went to dinner and a movie and when we said good bye he hugged me and he nearly broke 3 vertebrae in my back...but then when we stopped hugging he kissed me....so I think he was a little nervous.
Time has gone by, he has been super understanding of everything that happens to me. He is always super supportive. We have our ups and downs...but he is still such a great guy to me and so far I am very thankful.
So in the future we will see how things lead, but here are some pictures of Rob and I...I love you 💗
UPDATE: (1/15/19)
About 2 weeks ago Rob and I split up. We were growing apart for a few weeks and the stress of any given relationship in addition to me being sick caught up. The split was mutual, however, unfortunate. I'm thankful for the time we had together--but it didn't work out.
For the time being--I'm focusing on myself and my life. My body has been through a lot in the last few years and I need time to self heal.
He gave me two options on where to go on a date. We decided on dinner and then a comedy club. I can honestly say--it was the best first date I have ever been on. We talked, we laughed, we had fun, and I really felt like I could get to know him.
The second date, we went to dinner and a movie and when we said good bye he hugged me and he nearly broke 3 vertebrae in my back...but then when we stopped hugging he kissed me....so I think he was a little nervous.
Time has gone by, he has been super understanding of everything that happens to me. He is always super supportive. We have our ups and downs...but he is still such a great guy to me and so far I am very thankful.
So in the future we will see how things lead, but here are some pictures of Rob and I...I love you 💗
UPDATE: (1/15/19)
About 2 weeks ago Rob and I split up. We were growing apart for a few weeks and the stress of any given relationship in addition to me being sick caught up. The split was mutual, however, unfortunate. I'm thankful for the time we had together--but it didn't work out.
For the time being--I'm focusing on myself and my life. My body has been through a lot in the last few years and I need time to self heal.
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